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Thursday, October 27th, 2011
11:06 pm - .
.

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Tuesday, October 25th, 2011
12:15 am - morning, starr
Remember when we first met,
and every thought in my world,
Was you.

You used to read minds, and me too.

And then the pressure started raining,
Down on me.
I forgot myself,
I began neglecting you.
We were living in this pouring storm.

And then i heard you say,
Run.
Run.Run.Run,
From the rain.

And i remembered,
How the leaves could glow,
beneath my feet,
With you.

Sometimes i wake up before you,
Just to tell you

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Wednesday, October 12th, 2011
10:42 pm - namesnamesnamse
i think you may forever be the most important person in my life...well second i suppose. and hope i will be your third. i know im not perfect. i dont always say perfect things, or do the perfect things. some times i hide away and dont really speak, and thats just selfish of me, but im trying to get better. no matter what happens to you and i, i just want to promise you that i may never treat you poorly or our child. even if we live in different homes, our son will come first. but may that day never come. i will try my hardest to take care of you, and give you the life you deserve. if you dont know, you are an amazing person and i hope the best comes easier than it has before. some times i am just dumb, and i do need you to just be straight forward and tell me what im doing wrong or what you want. some times i need this, even if its not your thing to be like that. i used to be more aware of things than i am now. i loves you much much much.
night night my love,
cant wait for our little family to share a home. :)

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Friday, September 2nd, 2011
10:57 am - 82010 Rose Street
i keep wanting to write things, but they all seem so cheesy///..

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Sunday, August 14th, 2011
10:19 am - cyS7B
we used to post silly things to each other. cute things.how much we liked eachother and how scared we were of eachother... thoughts that maybe we could type but couldnt speak.
now everything i read is depressed. how life is pushing you down. how you dont want to be where you are.
then go.if youre not happy. im not keeping you here. i dont know what youre looking for. i only know the things i wish i could, but cant offer. im notholding you to anything. go swim upsteam. wake up from your dream. go do your things. go. but youll just tell me nothing is wrong, and its not about me.

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Tuesday, July 5th, 2011
10:41 pm - EXPIRED DATA://Err0r#.556947732209<%5./net
sometimes i just sit and stare and sometimes i just think, how do people look away from regret, from the past? some times i just sit and think and think and think. i wish i would have been a better child to my parents. i wish i would have been a better person. i wish i would have used my voice instead of hiding in the shadow. i wish i would have appreciated the world more when it was carefree and fun i wish i could still be a child. i wish i could be closer to them. i wish i wasnt me. wasnt these thoughts. was open and free. regrets about family and childhood. regrets about highschool. about hiding in fear. do i get to redo this? do i get to accept this? even if i enjoy the place ive landed. i could have made it easy on us. no. i could have. fail.

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9:38 pm - i wished all guns could only shoot bbs.
Maybe its like that hot summers day. The day you decide to do all of the lawn work. After all that strenuous work you come inside to the cool air. Your shirt full of wetness begins to cool. The first relaxing sip of your fridges coldest captive touches your lips, then your throat, right down to the bottom.
Its a feeling of satisfaction. Of accomplishment. How great i was and how much i had done. Now i sink back into my couch, as the cold leather engulfs me, my eyes fixed on the television, and in trance i become lighter, my mind slows, i begin to drift away, further, further, goodbye hardships, goodbye struggle and labor, corruption and thought, no more wonder, no more pain, no more....and now i rest, peacefully. For eternity. And thats that. thats that...perhaps.

As simple as planting a few flowers, pulling some weeds, or total landscape restoration, we all rest the same. we are all the same. maybe we're not the same. we are not the same on earth, maybe we are not the same after earth either. i would literally laugh on the floor, if the more we had during life, the less we had in whateveritisafterlifething. but anyways...

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Tuesday, June 21st, 2011
12:14 am - i forgot my lines
Cheesy little rhymes are for cheesy little girls?
Who like boys who play acustic guitar by fire.
To impress themselves?
to impress others?

I used to have lines
That could flow out like wine
But you got me nervous
You got to my mind

Thinking and rethinking
Every little sign
In every little line

I can play you songs
And try to sing
We can sing together
We'll impress eachother

I don't need a fire
Or a fancy yard
I don't play to impress
I play to smile

Gee I think you're fun
you should stay for a while.

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Saturday, June 11th, 2011
9:33 am - e277co
i constantly feel like im looking at great things other people do and thinking, "Hey, i can do that"
which i attempt to replicate them, but call it my own, all the time trying to shadow them, but better, and becoming unsatisfied with my results, because thats not really me. and become depressed and in questioning on everything until i find something new that i fancy, and attempt that with failure.
the people that do great things, i believe, dont look at other peoples work, but look into their own soul, either purposely or thats just of their inner workings, and have always had these great things in them.
its like i try too hard, attempt too much, and look too hard. i say i dont care but i listen intently. i am constantly trying to figure out how to just let go, let my inners freely flow to the surface and actually and honestly just become myself. i have always felt like i have some great potential for something, and until its out i will never feel complete. im afraid to die, because im afraid of keeping this trapped inside me, but how do i get it out? let myself live.

a photographer
an artist
tattoo
musician
sports
blah blah blah this swirling mist of annoyed mystery and conscienceness that haunts me

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Thursday, June 2nd, 2011
10:35 am - knees
you've been gone 2 hours and i already more than miss you. i enjoy our lazy afternoons together. sure, i like the time i have to myself too, but no where near as much as the other/
everyones always said growing up sucks, but you always want to grow up, until you do, and then you realize it does kind of suck, so you tell the younger people you know, not to grow up too fast because it sucks, but they dont listen, cause they just want to drive, or finish high school, or drink. all over rated i say..except for driving. but anyways

i get down alot, down on myself alot. i forget that i have you here, to talk to, to listen, to listen to, to support eachother and to love. im not used to that, but i love when i remember that.

everyone says youre never happy. you want a house, you get a house. then yoou want a bigger house, or a newer car, or ect...ect..
but i want to be happy. i want all the wanting to end one day. perhaps its human nature to always want more, or maybe (i believe) its just become part of this society to want more, and people have the ability to be satisfied, although it may not be easy anymore. thats what i think.

i dont mind work. i just mind working at a place i dont enjoy, with people and for people and waiting on people that dont appreciate me. i like to be appreciated.

i appreciate you. the things you do and say and the delicious dinners you cook.

i feel like i mentally become stable and then i forget and mentally fuck myself and constantly set myself back for some reason. idk

while some times i think about alot of roads i had imagined myself traveling down during this life, and realize i may no longer be able to, the one im going down now, it aint so bad. i like my passenger. likes her lots. i hurt myself when i realize im not being what i can, or how i want to be acting towards her. i hope she knows how special i think she is. and how much i dont like her, and my time with her. my coldest day, always warmed.

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Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011
8:55 pm - blu
I may not be able to figure what's going on. But I can tell that someting is. Don't lie and say everything is fine. Your eyes and actions tell a different story. I don't know if its me or its everything but its not very fun being on this side of things. Im not able to make everyting perfect. Im just trying to make everyhing. Im not always good at guessing. Some times I just need to be told. Im not a pushover. Im not a puss. I just try to.reason. try to make as many people as happy as possible. Try to be nice. That's what I am. Im a good person. I don't need to be told. But I don't know what every one is looking for or what they want. Maybe my trying looks careless. I don't know. But it isn't. I bend my mind to please others. Maybe its wrong. But joy can be found in the happiness of others or so I believe. Maybe this situatio. Isn't good enough. Well that's too bad. Shit is as it is. For now. That's it. Its like I have to adept. Or quit. I don't even know whatsoever. Quit means. Figure it out. Don't torture me. I hate voices with a scent of attitude or bordedom or hate or helplessness or what ever. Its there. Or that's my belief. Maybe I look too.far into.things. I don't know but it effects me and I have to try not to act on it. This world makes me want to lose my.mind. one more lose and I do.

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Tuesday, April 19th, 2011
4:26 pm - can i please give up already..
How many shitty things and set backs can people have. Trying to scramble to make everything as perfect as can be in half a year but it seems every one else wants to.come out of the dark to.throw obsticles in the way and its getting old and its getting ..Fuck I can't spell..tiering. can I please give up. What do they want from me. Us. Fuck the creator of this life. Im tired. Im losing. Im giving up hope. I keep asking when is it my turn to.receive something but it just gets worse. Fuck yo meijer yo can have ur 50$ back. It wasn't worth it. Is that it? I want to destroy.something but my walls remain solid. My car has no new dents. And my phone isn't broke yet. I better not run into a motherfucker tonight cause I don't have the patience today for some white trashs' Shit.

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Monday, April 18th, 2011
9:33 pm - edisnidaed
I don't want you to be dead inside. I want yo to be able to be happy. To feel. To be happy.
I have no idea what goes through your head, only what comes out and I think sometimes its very filtered. But who knows.
Its days like today that I feel depressed and helpless. I feel boring. Simple..too simple. But I keep all these ideas inside...maybe im just too lazy or maybe too fearful or.rejection or lack of excitment. I want to make you happy. Or help you to be. I want you to be able to live the life you dream of, even if it is without me. You're a special person. Maybe you're beginning to realize it...hope so. Sometimes I.think life is more simple than we all want it to be. Its not really as mysterious or exciting as we all hope. Money or no money. Love or no love. Family or no family...I guess my twisted vision is that I realize that no one is happy no matter what they have or lack and than as soon as we accept the fact that life sucks for every one. Accept it and get over it. That when I begain to actually be happy. I had to stop dreaming that one day id wake up to some mysterious man telling me im actually a jedi knight and the space world of star wars really exsists. And accepting that life may actually be this dull and depressing was the.hardest thing I've ever done. Maybe im wrong. I still have dreams of great things. But appreciating the simplest of this is what I believe haloed me. Idk. Idk.idk. Fuck....I hope you're not just setteling for me. Girls always.say they are looking for their prince but never find him so they all just settle cause.he'd a.nice.guy or good to them or to their kids...or cause.he has money. I know of it. But don't.settle. I don't want to be settled for. Maybe im wrong. I feel like I may be in the dark guessing at direction. But who knows.
I have dreams.

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4:38 pm - jfdjjejs
I don't care what color the sky is
or who the president it
I don't care if its warm or cold
Or how hungry I may he
If my xbox is broke
or im bored at work today
Don't care what tomorrow will bring
Or what I may have missed out on yesterday
don care about something dumb someone said
Or this or that...
But I do care, I Love You.

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Sunday, April 17th, 2011
2:21 am - i have so many wondering thoughts i dont know how i will get them all out with out mass confusion ..
i hope you trust me. i would pass up anything that would have the potential to jeopardize this. im sorry that at times i question things. maybe because of my retarded past. your job makes me nervous. maybe im a little broken now. i just dont want to end up where i have been, where i was the idiot in the situation...it sucks... now perhaps the money situation we had has had an effect. i want you to be able to talk to me. tell me you dont want to work next week. i want to start something new in my life, good relationships with people i care about. i want to be able to talk to you, and my parents and my sister about anything. im just afraid sometimes i might get that look, people may think some of my ideas are nuts. i want you to be able to tell me anything. to be able to be open and all...i wonder what you do all day? its not that i am suspicious, im more curious. i find you to be extremely interesting. i wish you wrote all your thoughts down and i could read them, and you would never know and no matter what i read i would not be effected in any way. i am just very curious to your thoughts and ideas. ...i feel like i am boring you. i know you deserve much more. i feel like im trapping a wild bird in a small cage and you want to spread your wings but you cannot. i want you to be able to experience the world that you so deeply crave to experience. ...i think that you not drinking as much will help you achieve this, but being pregnant is only trapping you. i dont know. just thoughts, if they make sense. if we were here now, as we are but just, JUST you and me and nothing else. we could go now and travel and come back to this situation sometime later. but we cannot. when though? when...and how. life is a grand disappointment. sometimes i have these dreams where i am dead and reach heaven and god opens his arms up to receive me and i back away, calling him a coward for leaving earth so early. telling him i didnt take the easy way out of the horrible hell he created. i didnt fucking quit like he. and he becomes angry at my accusations (because he knows im right) and sends me off and i disappear forever. ...i want to be spontaneous . i want to make our life together exciting . maybe i dont know how.. maybe i think too much....maybe i think the things that i enjoy you will not....
age is just a number. peoples interests are what makes them, themselves. if i was a rapper, that would be sweet...for a minute.
i always wish i was outrageously famous. so i could show people morals and such are ok. i wouldnt be some fucked up celebrity, i would be normal as can be and down to earth. a leader of new hope. but i guess in the meantime well just have to look up to sheen, tiger woods, cruise, mel gibson and all those other wonderfuls. sometimes i wonder if a god is watching why he dosent intervene. hmm. my mind is racing. its lonely here. i want you here. i dont like this place much. when we are here together its not so bad, but alone, its not too enjoyable. ...i cant wait until you can have lily with you every day and i can have my mira dog. life with be a little better and ill take any little things i can.

my goal isnt money
it isnt fame
nor popularity
i dont care if im ever remembered after i die
i dont care if my name or bloodline is carried on
i dont care what people think of me,
i dont care if i was a little selfish, a little over or under spoken,
if i see every continent ,
i just want to smile, be happy, and touch my hand to yours.

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Monday, April 11th, 2011
12:03 pm - blue skys and sunny days
I don't remember another year quite like the one I've almost completed.
I love the love that makes me warm everytime I feel your skin and the smile I look for that makes me feel and your laugh I love to hear. Most days are good days. More days are great days. And I love everyday I find myself openinng my eyes to you.

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Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
7:53 am
I hope my son is nothing like me. I hope he has a better attitude. A better feel on life. A better connection with people and his family. A better relationship with his mother and myself. I hope he thinks normal things. I hope he has the ability to set and follow goals. Ect. Ect. Ect.

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Sunday, April 3rd, 2011
3:40 pm - sometimes,
Its almost strange to think that of all the millions of things and billions of people in the world, my favorite is a girl who sits in our apartment, waiting up for me.

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Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
6:13 pm - you
Make my heart race like its the first time laying my eyes on you.
I only want to make you smile, make you happy.

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12:43 am - maybe we havent realized yet
Sometimes i think we are more alike than either of us have previously thought. I only care about myself when I am with you, because I care that im going to spend the next moments with you too. Maybe yo already cast your spell cause im.crazy about you. Crazy about you all over again. I hope you realize how amazing you are.

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